To My Loyal Readers and Fellow Sacophiles,
I cum to you today with an apology: for almost one year I have let the fertile vineyards wherein the ripe, low-hanging grapes grow run wild and untended. Since September of last year I have sadly neglected the wants and needs of the sac loving cummunity. Why you may ask? Why this dereliction of duty to you, the readers I hold so SACred?
The truth is that I had a run in with mortality. During my bi-daily examination of my own prize pair of perfect plums I discovered a most horrible thing:I had a small lump on my testicle. I, yes, I, who reveled in the glory and and wondrous luxuriousness of that most divine of fleshy vessels had been turned upon by my very own. Et tú testes? It was truly a dark day in the halls of Sac Slip Enterprises.
So what,you may wonder, did I do? Did I handle it in a calm rational manner? Did I practice the power of positive thinking and unlock the ancient mysteries of The Secret? NO, sadly I did not. I panicked. I became neurotic and convinced myself that a cruel unkind universe was punishing me by threatening that which I love the most. I swore that if I were given a second chance I would forswear all talk of, thoughts concerning, and staring at the glorious globes.
And so I marched like a man to the gallows, into the ultrasound office. There, a charming nurse named Julio applied a conductive gel that would have been pleasant if it's icy temperature didn't recall to me my own frozen heart. I was driven near to madness with the waiting... waiting for the doctor, waiting for the inspection to begin, waiting for the final word on my fate. It was nearly as bad as waiting for the Jonas Brothers to cum of age, so that all their sac filled hi jinx could be chronicled on this site. Only instead of a beautiful skin toned light at the end of the tunnel, there was the cold fear of a fate worse than death.
But then the doctor gave me the news I could barely believe- I had nothing but a run of the mill cyst. I was saved! A light had shone down from heaven directly onto mine own sac, and I was once again unburdened by worry, and yet still gloriously burdened by my own personal pubic parcel. But then a sinking truth hit me: I must now honor my vow to forswear all Sac-related media, even that which I myself produced, for ever and ever.
And so the months passed. The once glorious media empire known as SacSlip.com faded into a mere memory. I lived the haunted existence of a man denied his life's true calling. But then, just last week, I received a sign that could be nothing other than a divine reprieve. A sign from god almighty that life must go on, and so too must SacSlip.com.
You see as I waited in LAX for a flight, hating my pale, nuetered existence, a crowd of paparazzi began milling about. It seemed that some celebrities were exiting to a waiting limousine. Falling victim to curiosity, I crane my neck and who should I see but THE power couple, along with a very special power couple. I knew then that to deny my calling would be impossible. It was as clear as the balls in that airport, I was meant to bring gpnads forth unto the world's populace. For right there before me, was none other than Brad, Angelina, and the most beautiful BRAINgelina I have ever seen.
And so I re-enter the fray and promise you, that each and ever Testicle Tuesday, and on a few very special Sac-tastic Saturdays I will bring you the finest in celebrity Sac related news.
Welcum back, one and all, to SAC SLIP!!!!!!!
